Technology

Isn't modern technology supposed to bring us more peace of mind? Well not my mind, thats for sure. What a pain in my putootie it can be. I just spent the last hour backing up all the files from my computer onto my portable hard drive. I felt a little at ease knowing my important documents, pictures and music are  backed up so that I wont loose them if my computer crashes... but what if my portable hard drive crashes too?? What will I do then? Maybe I should print everything out so that I have a hard copy of it all, but then what if my house burns down, then those will be destroyed as well. There is no sure way I will have piece of mind with the chance that if technology fails, ill loose everything.

-Omni

Be yourself... Who am I?

Everyone keeps telling me that when you like someone just be yourself around them. Do you know how hard that is? Its not that I am trying to be someone else, its just that I am paying way to much attention trying to be myself that I'm not myself at all. They tell a joke and I think 'would I usually laugh at that? I would probably laugh at that. Ok then, I'll laugh.' Or if they ask me what I like to do for fun I have to think really hard, not because I never have fun but because I always realize after I do something how fun it was so I never really think about that question.
Anyway, the point is, I am never myself when I am consciously trying to be myself. I don't think that is normal.

Omni

Oh wait... that's me.

Last night I was hanging out with some friends and we were reading some hilarious spoof blogs, ya know, the blogs that people write with the soul purpose of poking fun at people, cultures, companies, etc. We were laughing at how ridiculous people can be sometimes. There were a few posts we found that my friends thought were so absurd but left me thinking 'oh, that's me.' Then I just sit there and laugh with them, going along with it... "Ya, haha. I can't believe someone would actually think/write/say that." Then I spent the rest of the night thinking back on things I have done/said/thought in front of them and do they judge me just the same?

Omni

Family Vacation!

Camping is one of my favorite things! Except when I'm scared that a tornado will come wipe me out. Last night I was trying to fall asleep in my tent but it was so windy and there was tons of lightning that even if I wasn't panicked I wouldn't have been able to fall asleep anyway. I had to wait it out (the whole time planning what I would do, where I would go if there was a tornado). I think I finally got to sleep at 2am after the wind died down... No tornado though!! Phew!

Omni

Was I good enough??

Today is my last day of a job that I have had for the last 6 weeks (not very long, I know) but I got pretty attached to it. Knowing that I won't be coming back tomorrow I can't help thinking that I could have done a lot more, I could have done a much better job but now it's too late.

Omni

Sunburns

For those of you that have fair skin, you will understand... If I am out in the Sun for more then half an hour without sunscreen it's like I can smell my own flesh burning. Not really, but I know that my skin is burning which means redness, pain, possibly cancer... Who knows what else.
Moral of the story... Always wear your sunscreen!!!

Love Omni

Hide and Seek

What a horrible game for kids... Telling kids to go hide somewhere that will be hard to find them. In the house it's a little better because you can lock the doors and at least you know they are somewhere within the sound of your voice but people are crazy when they play hide and seek with their kids in the park. That's just asking for trouble.

Omni

Dishwasher = Fire

I turned the dishwasher on yesterday and then left the house to run some errands. The whole time I was thinking WHAT IF... the dishwasher somehow malfunctioned and caught on fire and the house burnt down?? I was only gone an hour but I was glad to see no signs of fire or smoke once I returned!!!

Job hunting

Finding a job is so stressful when your current job is ending. I only have 3 weeks until my current job ends and I DO NOT want to go back to the job i had before that. I had a really good interview a couple of days ago at my dream job, they said they would call me back for another interview and they havent yet. CALL ME BACK!! I have rent to pay and a car to buy, don't they know that??
OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE

The joy (and the not so joy) of children!!

There is nothing that makes me panic more than taking care of children (well that's not true and you all know it). The world is so dangerous and they are so little and so many things can hurt them like cars and trains, cleaners and illness, bugs and the sun... I turn my back for one minute and they are putting beads in there mouth or slipping in the bathtub or eating a hot dog that isn't even cut up. HOW WILL THEY SURVIVE???

Europe!!

My trip to Europe was so amazing and now that I am home I can definitely appreciate it more.
First of all... I never remember how terrified I am of flying until the plane is taking off. By then it is to late and I realize that I have 9 1/2 hours of torture ahead of me. Usually, people who are afraid of flying are only afraid of one thing, like crashing or hijacking or maybe they are claustrophobic. For me, its ALL OF THE ABOVE!! It didn't help that within the first 20 min, once the seat belt signs were turned off, this guy comes to the back of plane (where I was sitting) and tells the flight attendant that he wants "an F***ing seat away from all the F***ing kids. Whats my first thought?? TERRORIST. I would have gladly given up my seat to make him happy if I wasn't surrounded by children either. Then they turn the movie on. Great, im thinking, something to distract me from the people and the closed in environment and the bumps. Too bad it shuts off after 10 minutes. I don't care what kind of glitch it was... I just wanted to pass out and not wake up until the end of the flight. I popped some graval. Do you think that helped??? NOPE. I slept for maybe 20 min but finally the plane was descending which calms me down a little bit, until I start thinking what if the landing gear is broken and we can't land?? Combined with the weird noises and my ears popping and crying children I just want to be on the ground... safe on the ground. We do land safely but now I only have 1 hour until my next connection and I still have to get my luggage and go through customs. Im running through an airport where I don't speak the language waiting for my bags (and of course panicking that the airlines lost them and already planning out in my mind a budget for replacing everything). I get through customs, check in for my next flight and I still have 40 min until my connection leaves. I am finally calm, all I have to do is get through security and then I have tons of time... WRONG, I have to go through passport control which has a huge lineup. The whole time I am waiting I'm wishing I was an EU citizen because they don't have a line. I get through in 20 min and now only have 20 min to get through security... My flight is already boarding I just assumed that the line for security will be just as long as the line for passport control but it wasn't. I got through in 5 min, walked to my gate, gave them my ticket and was on my way onto the airplane when I heard the last boarding call for my flight. It sounded like it had a stop before my final destination but it didn't make sense, that stop was in South America... no where near Europe. I get on the plane and ask the flight attendant if I am on the right flight. She looks at my ticket, asks me where Im going and says "you are the first stop."  Then of course we take off and land again so Im panicking the whole time but I finally make it to my final destination and meet up with my friend!!!
The week I was there I was pretty panic free... except for the time when I woke up in the middle of the night from the rain outside and couldn't help thinking about how much rain this country usually gets and what if the city floods... on and on!! One night when we were downtown there were huge protests and riots. That got me really scared... what if they got violent, I wasn't staying to far away from all this was taking place, plus there were some bombings in a country not that far away. What if these riots turned into bombings???
Week 2 was in my second destination and yes... I had to take another airplane to get there. Once I got there I was with family though so my comfort bubble was pretty big. Once we left the airport though, this family member informed me that another family member back home had a heart attack. WHAT? While I'm on the other side of the world?? I was reassured that everyone was ok, the heart attack was minor and everything would be ok. Every night when I went to bed though, I couldn't help thinking what I would do if I had to go back early, if an emergency happened.
Besides that, and the volcano erupting in Iceland that was cancelling flights all across Europe, the second half of my trip was pretty good. And no, my flight did not get cancelled but I was panicking that it would. I don't really know why considering I would be able to postpone work if I got to stay in Europe a little longer. On my flight home I couldn't stop looking out the window making sure we weren't going over the erupting volcano.
Oh well, I am home safe and sound now and everyone is doing fine!!!!

Not trying to be mean...

Are people born with lazy eyes or can something make you get one??
I've been staring in the mirror for awhile now making sure I don't have one.

Omni

The world is a scary place!

http://topics.nytimes.com/top/news/international/countriesandterritories/japan/index.html

Past Fear

Believe it or not, I don't panic everyday... ok, maybe I do but its usually not something different everyday.
I thought every once in a while I would post a fear that I used to have.

This happened a few years ago...
I was emailing a guy I had never met before (weird, I know but I knew the rest of his family). We had really good conversations. We exchanged phone numbers so emails turned into texting and texting turned into phone calls. I was so naive, I enjoyed talking to him but learned that he was not someone I should get serious with but I liked the attention and kept talking to him... UNTIL he said that he was going to come visit me. WHAT! No, that can't happen. I told him that I didn't want him to and then ignored all his further emails, texts and phone calls. I was so scared every time the doorbell rang it would be him. I was mostly scared that he would turn out to be some crazy psycho who would stalk me the rest of my life. Turned out, he just liked me and I was the huge jerk!

Omni

I don't lead guy's on on purpose...

I like being liked... Is that such a crime?

Omni

Public Speaking

Usually people are nervous about public speaking before and during there speech or presentation. I don't get nervous before, I get nervous during and then I'm still nervous days after. For example, last night I was asked to share some thoughts in front of a big congregation for a church ceremony. I felt really special and important that they asked
me so I was really excited until I was up there speaking and forgot everything I wanted to say and now that it's over I keep thinking back to what I did say and wondering if it even made sense at all the people who ask me probably regret it now.
People told me after I did a good job but I always wonder I they really mean that or if they just say that because they are standing right in front of me.

Omni

Final's

Yup, its that time of year again!!! I made it through a busy, stressful, long semester but its not quite finished yet... actually the most important 2 weeks of the whole 4 months if just starting. This is what it all boils down to. Am I ready? Of course not. Do I feel prepared? Absolutely not. Am I panicking? Duh!!
I have a few hours left tonight to study and then Monday morning comes bright and early!!
Wish me luck!
Pray for me!
Do whatever you think will get me a better mark (probably getting offline and hittin the books).

Omni

Why can't I live in Europe?

Most big cities in Europe you don't need a car, public transportation is so accessible and so reliable. Why can't it be that way here?? I guess big American cities have good Subway systems like New York but not here. I rely so much on my car and I took it in for a tune-up this morning at 8am and it's now 12:12pm and they haven't called me yet to tell me if anything is wrong with it. That probably means that everything is wrong with it and they are stalling to tell me the bad news, or they are still making the "needs fixing" list which is probably over 50 items long... I only budgeted $900 to fix stuff and my bill is probably long past that.

Oh boy

Omni

Ex's Ex's

Does anyone else get really uncomfortable when you see one of your Ex's Ex's?? I do, or at least one particular Ex's Ex. I am terrified of seeing her. This is making me sound so horrible, I have never actually met the girl so I'm sure she is very lovely. I am just reminded of the heartbreak every time I see her and I am so scared that she is somehow going to work her way into my circle of friends or somehow I'll be forced to associate with her. It's just really frightening to know a lot about someone and to know they know a lot about you but you've never met them.

Omni

New Roommate

I met my new roommate last night. She seems nice, pretty funny. I think we will all get along with each other. I just keep wondering what she's really like, not that I don't trust people (I think I actually trust people to much) but this is someone who is going to be sleeping under the same roof as me. I wanted to run credit checks on her and get her to give me references to call but I thought that might make me come across as a pyscho and I didnt want her to know that before she moved in. She's signed the lease now so we're stuck with each other for awhile. Maybe I should take inventory on my stuff, make sure she doesn't steal anything.

Omni

"Shut up stomach"

I have a very loud and expressive stomach, always growling and gurgling and sometimes it sounds exactly like a fart. It's so embarrassing. I promise that it's my stomach people.
I also googled to see why it is so loud all of the time... It growls when I'm hungry, when I'm full, when I'm content. Google said it could be a tapeworm. A TAPEWORM! How do I get rid of a tapeworm?
I think I am going to do a cleanse... Flush everything out if you know what I mean.

Sorry if this was to descriptive. Haha

Omni

My unconscious...

I don't think I have ever talked in my sleep, at least no one has ever told me that I have. I have been sharing a room with my friend for over a year now and I can't help but wonder if I ever say anything or do anything in my sleep that would give away my deepest thoughts and feelings. She could know all my secrets (not that I really have any) and I wouldn't even know it.
Have you ever said anything embarrassing in your sleep?

Omni

Conspiracy Theories

I never thought I was a believer of conspiracy theories but that's because I never heard any. Have you heard the one about the government putting led in flu shots to "dumb us down?" Good thing I don't get flu shots.
What if they put led in other things though? Yesterday morning as I was getting off the bus downtown a woman was handing out free K cereal bars. I grabbed one because I'm all about free food. I didn't even get a good look at her. I ate it though because I was hungry but what if the government put something in them and got people to hand them out all over the city?? There is an election coming up... Oh gosh.

Omni

Beauty = Money

All through high school I never had a problem with acne. I washed my face with soap and got the odd breakout every once in a while but I'll admit, I was quite lucky. Once I turned 21 I can't get the pimples to stop. I have been working in a restaurant that long so I am hoping it is just the greasy environment and I don't have some skin disease.
Right now I have 5 zigs on my chin and 2 on my fourhead. Once one starts to disappear another one shows up. Its so frustrating. I have bought many different kinds of face wash and I am now scared my face will dissolve away to nothing.

Oh life... Why me??

Omni

Terrorists!!

Do you think Edmonton's LRT would ever get bombed or hijacked???

It's crossed my mind.

Omni

I'm a slob and everyone knows it!

I was freaking out tonight because my roommate is sick and some friends came over to visit her. I was completely unaware of this until about 2 minutes before they came and our house was such a disaster. Dishes were piled a mile high beside the sink, backpacks and jackets were strewn across the floor, homework and papers littered the couches. Im not blaming my roommates... I am a full contributor to the mess but not as much of a contributor with the clean up.
I was so embarrassed that these people had to see our house in the state that it was in (its in that state the majority of the time but when we do have people over we usually tidy up a bit).
Anyway, now everyone is going to know that I am a disgusting slob and they are probably wondering if I wash my clothes and even bathe.
I'll just have to invite them over again when the house is clean and try to convince them that it is usually always clean.

Omni

Why do I get myself into these situations?

So there is a guy that I flirt with at work all the time. He is this short little Indian man. I don't remember how it started but he tells me he loves me every time we work together. He winks at me, I smile at him, I blow him kisses, he asks me to marry him. I just thought it was funny and cute... UNTIL TONIGHT. Now I am terrified. What if he really thinks I love him (which I have never actually told him, BECAUSE I DON'T). He is just fun to flirt with, plus I tell him every shift that he is to short for me, BECAUSE HE IS.
What if he does some trick like gets me to brake a glass or tie and knot in a napkin which means we are married in his culture and I have to be with him the rest of my life... OH NO. What have I done??

Omni

I need to go to the doctor...

Last night and this morning my right arm is sore. There are no bruises but it hurts to touch.
I don't remember bumping it or banging it... Could it be a pulled muscle or something from yoga?? I hope so or else it's bone cancer...

Onmi

Automobile; can't live with one, can't live without one.

I was driving, hit a giant pot hole, got a flat tire. That didn't make me panic... that just made me annoyed.
What made me panic was thinking how/who is going to change the tire. The spare is in my trunk and I couldn't let anyone see what was in my trunk (garbage). So I started cleaning it out and I just shoved a whole bunch of papers into a bag and threw it in a near by dumpster. While I sitting, waiting for a ride I started thinking what all those papers could have been that I had just thrown out... Yup, this induced the fear. There was probably bank statements, check stubs, lots of personal info. WHAT IF SOMEONE STOLE MY IDENTITY? What if there was something really important that Ill need. I went back to the dumpster to see if I could easily grab the bag. It was at the very bottom so there was no way. Ill probably end up calling equifax, get some stronger protection.

Im not necessarily panicing but I am nervous that my car will be sitting on some street all night. I took out all my valuables but the car itself is a valuable. I really hope that it doesn't get stolen.
Pray for me!!!

Omni

Brain Tumor

For a week and a half I have had a constant headache that wouldn't go away. Tylenol didn't work, motrin helped a little bit. It was so bad that I had to leave early from work and couldn't stay at school for fear of fainting or passing out from dizziness. I was getting so concerned that I had a BRAIN TUMOR... what else could it be?? I called health link but they couldn't help because they aren't doctors. I went to a walk-in clinic where the doctor took my blood pressure and gave me a prescription for a stronger advil. I tried it for 2 days and it didn't work either. I finally got an appointment with my doctor who said it was tension headaches (this disappointed me because I was hoping for something more... curable). She suggested a massage and gave me muscle relaxants.
Well I took those last night and had a massage this afternoon and my headache is completely gone. I also received a blessing last night which also helped.
Now I am just worried that this will be my chronic problem and I will get these headaches all the time.
We'll see...

An imperfect smile!

I had braces for 18 months in high school. I cringe when I see pictures. The day I got them off was one of the greatest feelings of freedom! But there was a catch... I had to wear a retainer 24 hours a day for a month and then every night for the rest of my life. Well, I did wear it 24 hours a day for a month and then I started wearing it every night for awhile but gradually it decreased to every other night and then one night a week until finally I never wore it. I lost it for quite some time but during one of my moves I found it. I didn't really think anything of it (good thing I didn't throw it out) It doesn't fit anymore and I have been trying to notice if my teeth have moved at all. I know my bottom teeth have moved a little but I can't really notice any movement in my top teeth. I met a girl who had braces for the second time. THE SECOND TIME. I panicked. There is no way I am getting braces again. Its so much time and money and I think I already have a pretty good smile. I just don't want them to move any more. Some dentists say they could move back to where they were and others say its been so long since I've worn a retainer that they probably won't move that much more. I don't really know who to believe but I swear now I can feel them moving little by little.
I need to go to the dentist soon anyway so Ill ask him how much it would be to get another retainer.

Omni